Another Hard Day

Today is Steve's birthday. This morning I had some alone time to let a lot of emotions flow. Once I pulled myself together, a dear friend of mine took me furniture shopping and to lunch. I needed a diversion.

I decided that all the furniture in the living room, and family room needed to be moved around today. No, it couldn't wait, it had to be done today. Sarah did the heavy lifting with me. What a great sport. I have unlimited energy today that I don't quite understand. I also have an inner desire for external change. I need the part of my house with difficult memories to be different. Not completely different, just enough to suppress some of the daunting memories of the night Steve passed away.


Tonight the kids and I went up to Steve's grave to celebrate his birthday. We had 51 balloons, one for each year. The kids planned the celebration. We had a birthday sign, birthday cake, and noise makers. Steve's parents were there with us, and joined in. It is difficult for me to call it a celebration, but I guess we were celebrating his incredible life.


When we let the 51 balloons go, I couldn't help but think of the new movie out this year titled "Up". I loved this movie. It is a children's animated movie. The elderly gentleman in the movie, wants to visit "paradise". He attaches balloons to his house lifting it to the sky taking him to his destination. I thought how nice it would be if we could all hold onto the balloons and be able to visit with Steve just for awhile.


The kids like to make it light at the grave, but at the end I couldn't control my emotions. It is a sad day.