For years I have been trying to gain the courage to brave the task of removing Steve’s clothing from my closet. It is a distressing thing to do. Shortly after his passing I would spend hours, sometimes even the entire night, in the closet lying on his clothes, crying, trying to feel close to him.
A couple years ago, I asked Meagan to clean out Steve’s coats from the coat closet. She did so, only to find the timing wasn’t right. I began hysterically crying, and put every coat and jacket back in its place. I guess it wasn’t the right time after all.
Sunday, an impromptu cleaning of my bedroom closet happened. It began by Jordan and Sarah looking for a hat for Jordan, and ended with all my children and their spouses gathering piles of Steve’s clothes that they could use, or had sentimental value. Of course, the son-in-laws, were very considerate, my boys had first dibs on everything.
Jordan is very fashionable and was able to acquaint the rest of us with the latest trends and styles in men’s clothing. He could identify the finest fabrics and brands. Mike especially appreciated the advice. Many of Steve’s casual shirts fit Mike, but pants and suits will have to be altered a bit.
One of the best discoveries of the night was a watch. It was a very fashionable watch with the $350 price tag still on it. It only took Mike one day to get it fitted by a jeweler. It will be a cherished keepsake for him.
I couldn’t really identify or define my feelings at the time. My children made it an easier process. It was easier to not have the “cleaning of the closet "planned, and to know that the clothing was going to my children. The kids made it bearable by sharing stories about their Dad as a piece of clothing would spark a memory. They were laughing about great memories, while the younger ones were hiding in the piles of clothes.
Meg came the next day and helped me finish cleaning and organizing the closet. I felt content; a sense accomplishment, and a little relieved that I could finally tackle this project. I still have sad moments about the task accomplished, but I now feel like my closet is a place of order. I know I could have received the same sense of order my merely tiding it up, but it seemed like it was finally the right time.
“Behold, mine house is a house of order, saith the Lord God, and not a house of confusion.” [D&C 132:8]
A couple years ago, I asked Meagan to clean out Steve’s coats from the coat closet. She did so, only to find the timing wasn’t right. I began hysterically crying, and put every coat and jacket back in its place. I guess it wasn’t the right time after all.
Sunday, an impromptu cleaning of my bedroom closet happened. It began by Jordan and Sarah looking for a hat for Jordan, and ended with all my children and their spouses gathering piles of Steve’s clothes that they could use, or had sentimental value. Of course, the son-in-laws, were very considerate, my boys had first dibs on everything.
Jordan is very fashionable and was able to acquaint the rest of us with the latest trends and styles in men’s clothing. He could identify the finest fabrics and brands. Mike especially appreciated the advice. Many of Steve’s casual shirts fit Mike, but pants and suits will have to be altered a bit.
One of the best discoveries of the night was a watch. It was a very fashionable watch with the $350 price tag still on it. It only took Mike one day to get it fitted by a jeweler. It will be a cherished keepsake for him.
I couldn’t really identify or define my feelings at the time. My children made it an easier process. It was easier to not have the “cleaning of the closet "planned, and to know that the clothing was going to my children. The kids made it bearable by sharing stories about their Dad as a piece of clothing would spark a memory. They were laughing about great memories, while the younger ones were hiding in the piles of clothes.
Meg came the next day and helped me finish cleaning and organizing the closet. I felt content; a sense accomplishment, and a little relieved that I could finally tackle this project. I still have sad moments about the task accomplished, but I now feel like my closet is a place of order. I know I could have received the same sense of order my merely tiding it up, but it seemed like it was finally the right time.
“Behold, mine house is a house of order, saith the Lord God, and not a house of confusion.” [D&C 132:8]
2 comments:
that was a hard thing for my mother in law too. She however did it right away. I think it was hard for her to go into the closet and see his things. I sort of felt sad that Ben didn't get some of his things, but he wasn't very stylish and she said she knew no one would want anything so she just took all the clothes right to the DI. She had a really hard day a week ago when it was the 4 year anniversary of his passing. She also just had her house emptied of children as her last got married. I feel for her being so young in an empty big house.
I wish you didn't have to go through such pains. It won't really get any easier and there is nothing anyone can do to make it much better. Just know that I think of you and your family often.
How neat that your kids were each able to have something of sentimental value like that, especially the boys. Glad the experience was filled with laughter and good memories.
Wonderful post...I can't tell you how much I admire you and your strength. I know it isn't easy but I hope and pray that it will get easier. Keep your chin up - you are AMAZING!!
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