Processing a Loss

There's an old adage that states that a mother is only as happy as her least happy child. I can attest to that. I feel the heartache my children have endured, and if one of them is sad, hurt or unhappy, at some level, so am I.

It has been a difficult process to watch my children grieve the loss of their Father, their protector, their confidant, their best friend. Someone once said, loosing a Father is like having your leg amputated- you always know it's missing, you just learn to live without it. I have watched as they try to find peace with such tragedy.

I have learned that each child grieves differently, and grieving takes on various elements day-t0-day. I have learned to respect the way in which each child grieves. There are many different emotions such as anger, sadness, emptiness, and loneliness. Each day brings about a different emotion, a new challenge. There are daily, sometimes hourly reminders of their loss.

Little children grieve differently. Sometimes true grieving begins for them 1 year or later, after their loss. Little children are so innocent, it breaks my heart to watch them suffer and try to process such a difficult event. Some of my most emotional times are when I hear things such as, "You know I don't have a dad, or "I don't have to draw a picture of what I would look like when I'm 100 years old, we don't live that long", and the list goes on and on. There isn't a day that goes by without a comment about their Dad. Some comments are too sad to write, and some are happy memories of a wonderful life together.

I don't want to live in a state of perpetual state of loss. We have found and will continue to find joy in our new journey. We have rejoiced in supporting one another in our activities and accomplishments. We have learned the importance of family first. As a mother, I am most happy when my children are happy, and being together brings us happiness.