Tender Mercies

I have been attending classes sponsored by the Caring Connection at the University of Utah for a few weeks now. This is a group that gets together once a week to talk about the grieving process specifically for the loss of a spouse. Tonight we discussed the possibility of our spouses knowing their fate before it happened. I shared with them my experience this summer. This summer has been unique and very special. For some reason we went on more family vacations then we have ever gone on before. We spent a week at a cabin, several days at Flaming Gorge, and a week at Newport Beach. In the past we have vacationed with family or friends, but this summer we spent with just our family.

Our week at the cabin was wonderful. We spent time bike riding, four wheeling, boating, hot tubbing, watching the animals, playing games together, watching movies, and going on walks. Steve loves the outdoors, and was especially fond of the Hawker's cabin. We spent our 22nd wedding anniversary at the cabin. We had the kids tend while we went to Park City to a wonderful dinner at Chez Bette's. We spent time laughing, talking, and reminiscing about the past. Steve had a keen memory of the past. He had me laughing so hard over something he claims I did and I have no recollection of doing. I'm still not sure what is true.

Flaming Gorge was one of Steve's favorite places. He grew up going there each year with his family. They camped, made great dutch oven meals, fished, ran the Green River, and waterskied. This year our family went to Flaming Gorge alone. The weather was goregous, and kids waterskied, and tubbed, til their hearts content. Steve celebrated his 50th birthday there. Life seemed so bliss. Steve and I talked about how wonderful life was. He told me that this would be the last time our family would be together. Frightened by that comment I asked him what he meant. He said, "Meagan may get married and things will never be the same."

Newport Beach was another amazing trip. There was almost an eerie clam about the trip. I can't quite explain it. Steve seemed different. He was always a wonderful person, but this trip he wanted to do the things that I loved to do. In the morning Steve would go bike riding with me, he would boogie board with the kids at the beach, and take them wherever they wanted to go. One night after dinner the older girls wanted to shop. He said, "you girls go shop, I'll take the boys to the park." He NEVER encouraged us to shop. Another evening he asked the kids if they wanted to go to Balboa. He never liked going to Balboa and would always find an excuse not to go. I love the quaint little shops, the fun rides, and the atmosphere. We spent the evening on rides, looking through the shops and walking along the pier. We celebrated Ben's 6th birthday our last day at Newport Beach.

We arrived home the night before we took Sarah to college at USU. Steve wanted to take Sarah to school himself, but I insisted that we should do it together. Before we left to take Sarah to school, Steve gave her a beautiful blessing. On the way up to Logan he counseled her about making good life choices, and to remember how important it was to study and get good grades. He had the most amazing way of counseling the kids. He then pulled out a pink lap top computer. I couldn't believe my eyes. Sarah had asked for a pink lap top. I told her to be grateful for a lap top period.

That night was his Dad's birthday. We had to split up again. I went with Katelyn to a Seminary Fireside, and Steve went to his Dad's party. I wasn't at the party but I read on my nieces blog about the party. The thing that touched me the most was when she talked about Steve's conversation with Meagan that night. It reads: "Steve was talking with Meagan and Meagan was saying how much her mom was crying when they took Sarah to college and how she didn't cry as much when Meagan went two years ago. Steve said, "You're mom is crying because she is becoming more aware that everything is about to change forever, two kids are now in college, Ben is starting kindergarten, and you could be getting married soon, she jsut knows her life is about to totally change."

I never knew about this conversation until I read Katie's blog tonight. My daughter Meagan called and told me to read it. I thought how similar it was to what we had been discussing at our meeting tonight and what I had been experiencing the summer of '08.

I believe Steve was prompted by the spirit to do certain things before he left. I keep wondering if I would have changed anything the week before. We had such a great time together as a family. We have fond memories that we will cherish forever.

I believe in tender mercies. I love what Elder Bednar says about tender mercies, "We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord's tender mercies. the simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and profect us in the trouble times in which we do now and will yet live. When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desire outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord ."