Stormy Days

Today would be a good day to wait out the storm, and let it pass. It is the first day of school, a difficult day. The first day of school is filled with intense sadness for me. It was on the first day of school 2 years ago that Steve suddenly passed away.

Instead of focusing on our incredible loss, I wanted to put on a happy face and celebrate my baby boy’s 8th birthday. Today is Ben's birthday. There is nothing more important to me today, than making sure his birthday is great. What a blessing he has been in my life. He brings me such joy and happiness.

We started out the morning with scriptures, family prayer and our traditional “big breakfast”. During family prayer, I prayed that we would be blessed with peace and comfort. I need extra strength to get through this day and make the cutest little 8 year old happy.

The kids seem alright today. They all went to school. I’m not sure if Ben remembers this day the way I do. I hope not.

Someone came to our door this afternoon with flowers for me. Ben answered the door and I was right behind him. The person gave me flowers, and a hug. Not many words were exchanged, just tears, the words go unspoken.

Ben couldn't understand why I got flowers today. I haven’t wanted to tell him.

I could feel Steve's presence around us today. Even though my heart felt like it was broken in thousand little pieces, I felt peace and comfort. I felt like he was walking beside us.

Ben said he had a dream last night about Steve. He said that his dad told him, “Happy Birthday”, and that he was proud of him for playing football. That’s all he could remember. I dream about him too. They are peaceful dreams, that seem so real to me.

We continued to celebrate Ben’s birthday throughout the day, trying to stay focused on his wonderful life, rather than our incredible loss.

Ben said it was the BEST birthday ever. I am blessed.