Brownie Mom

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Festival of Trees

The employees at The Summit Group did an incredible job on Steve's tree at the Festival of Trees. Many thanks to the kind employees who put a lot of time, effort, money, and thought into his tree. The theme was, "Let Heaven and Nature Sing". The note on the back talked about how they wanted to honor one of their hero's in the Festival of Trees. It was a great tribute to Steve.

It was a bitter sweet for our family. We loved the treee, and we loved the way in which it represented Steve. However, it was really difficult to walk through isles of trees reading the stories of men, women, husband, wives, and children that have died. It did make me realize that there are other people out there with similiar situation like mine that are mourning the loss of a loved one. Sometimes you feel like no one understands your emotions, and feelings. I am sure there are others that do.

Jodi and Jon Fulks and their cute girls came with us. We tried to make it a more pleasant adventure by letting the little kids do crafts, and get in the "bubble machine". The bubble machine was probably the greatest hit.

A niece of mine sent me a poem that sums up a lot of my feelings. It is as follows:

Please be gentle with me for I am grieving,
The sea I swim in is a lonely one,
And the shore seems miles away,
Waves of despair numb my soul,
As I struggle through each day,
My heart is heavy with sorrow,
I want to shout and scream,
And repeatedly ask why?
At times, my grief overwhelms me,
And I weep bitterly,
So great is my loss,
Please don't turn away or tell me to move on with my life,
I must embrace my pain before I can begin to heal,
Companion me through tears,
And sit with me in loving silence,
Honor where I am in my journey,
Not where you think I should be,
Listen patiently to my story,
I may need to tell it over and over again,
It's how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss,
Nuture me through the weeks and months ahead,
Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable,
A small flame still burns within my heart,
And shared memories may trigger both laughter and tears,
I need your support and understanding,
There is no right or wrong way to grieve,
I must find my own path,
Please will you walk beside me? By: Jill B. Englar

Thanksgiving at Aunt Michelle's 2008

Aunts, uncles, and lots of cousins.

The Ping Pong Tourney

Even mom got involved.

The two kindgergartener's in a play off.

Cousin time.

Games, homemade candy, and treats, a Thanksgiving must.

Sarah and Noah.

Lovin' babies!

The Brown table.

Jordan and Ben. Cute cousins!

Thanksgiving is a time of gratitute and thankfulness. This year the holidays are especially hard for our family. We have struggled with the loss of Steve. It is very noticeable at every holiday, party, or event, that he is not here anymore. Steve was the type of person that added a spark to the party. He loved life, and with his quick wit, and great sense of humor, made everything we did a lot more fun. We miss him so much. At times it seems unbearable.

We are grateful for the memories we have with him. We are grateful that we got to spend as much time with him as we did. Steve did everything fast paced, so we feel we really got double time with him.

We are also grateful for our wonderful friends and family. We are blessed to have such great love and support by all. We know we can't do this alone, so we depend on our great friends and family.

I am grateful to have 6 wonderful children. What a blessing and strength they are in my life. They are amazing children with strong testimonies. I am grateful for the Savior who comforts us, buoys us up, and eases our burdens. Our family is especially gratiful for the Plan of Salvation. That brings us great peace.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Pumpkin Carving Party

Meagan and Lizzy loving the feel of it.

Ben busy at work.

Lizzy decided her pumpkin was dirty and gave it a good washing.

Team work.

Loving every minute of it.

The coolest pumpkins ever!

The proud pumpkin carvers!

Jodi, Jon, Madi, and Tyli, came over the night before Halloween to carve pumpkins. They brought dinner and made a real party out of it. I thought we were just carving your "regular" pumpkins, but to my surprise they had a different idea. Ben (with help) carved the skeleton head, Michael the bat, Lizzy the jack-o-latern, and Meagan the spider. The were the best pumpkins that we have ever carved, thanks to the help of Jon and Jodi.

Max Brown October 2001 - October 2008

Max was hit by a car and killed on Wednesday, October 29, 2008. It was a very sad day for all of us. Katelyn text several neighbors and friends to come to a candlelight vigil for Max. We told stories about Max, and after you told your story you put a dog biscuit on his grave. Ben sang the song that he had made up for Max quite some time ago that he sang to him daily. Ben doesn't remember life without Max, because we got Max before Ben was born. Ben carried around Maxs' collar for days after he died. He, like all of us, loved little Max. Max was buried under the tree that was planted in memory of Steve.

Family Home Evening

The kids decorated pumpkins for their dad. They wrote messages on the back of the pumpkins to take to his grave. This year Lizzy was a U of U cheerleader and Ben and U of U football player for their dad. We miss him so much!

We left Steve's favorite candy (Reese's peanut butter cup) with the pumpkins. We all got in the car to go home and Ben had a different idea. He got out took the candy and ran. He said, "Dad can't eat it anyway."

Ben caught in action!

Susie Davis' Halloween Party

Diving for candy.

Ben playing bingo.

Lizzy playing games.

Madonna

Lizzy goes fishing.

The gang.

Arod and Madona.

Becky's mom Susie invited us to their family Halloween party. The kids a great time playing games, eating pasta, and came home with lots of loot. Thanks Davis Family!

Grandma Brown's Halloween Party

The Brown clan.

Bradley, the adorable bumble bee.

Noah, the cutest pumpkin.

Ben having fun.

The cutest cheerleader!

The trailer park mom with her uptown kids.

Meagan took Katelyn, Lizzy, and Ben to Grandma Brown's Halloween party. They had a great time dressing up, playing games, eating soup and scones, and bonding with their cousins. This is a tradition that the kids always look forward to. Grandma and Grandpa put on a pretty awesome party!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Black Jack....our new addition.

My brother Dave surprised us with Black Jack, our new bunny.

The kids were thrilled, I'm still undecided.

Friends

Monday's are especially hard for our family. It reminds us of the day their dad and my husband left this mortal life. We have many friends (some not in pictures) that invite us to FHE at their house to have fun and try not to remember our tragedy.

I believe what Elder Holland said in his conference talk, "Heaven has never seemed closer than when we see the love of God manifest in those around us through kindness, and devotion of people so good and so pure that the only word to describe them is angelic." He states that "mortals are instruments in the hand of God". These people are those we walk and talk with. They are neighbors, friends, and family. I have truly been blessed by these mortal angels. The service, and love and concern for our family has been endless. We have been surrounded by many who have been willing to lend a hand in any way. I can't begin to list the things that have been done for us. We have been blessed.

We have also been blessed by "heavenly angels", as Elder Holland calls them. There is a saying that says, "Because someone we love is in heaven, we feel heaven in our home." Immortal angels are sent to help us and comfort us. We have felt Steve comfort us and know that he is always near.

I haven't blogged about the funeral yet. I'm not sure when or if I'll be able to. It was a beautiful tribute to Steve.

I have learned a lot in these past 6 weeks. I have seen tender mercies, miracles, and have experienced trials beyond my imagination. However, I do know that sometimes we have to trust in the Lord, we have to be obedient and press forward in faith knowing that we will receive our eternal reward.

Katelyn enjoying mashed potatoes at the Gulbransen's.