Something In Common

Today I went to my first funeral since the passing of my husband. It was the funeral of my brother-in-law Scott Brown's brother. Scott is the husband of Jen Brown, who is Steve's sister. His brother died tragically in an automobile accident on Saturday. He was only 42, and left behind his wife and 4 children.

I'm not sure it was a good idea for me to go, but I wanted to support Scott, Jen, their family, and Julie's family. It brought to surface many feelings, memories, and hard moments, that I have suppressed in some way.

There are several things that Julie and I have in common. Believe it or not our husband's have the same name. They are both Steve Brown's. What is the possibility of Jen and Scott loosing both of their brothers within a 9 month period, and their names are even the same. Julie and I also share the tragic sudden loss of our husbands at a relatively young age leaving behind several young children.

My heart breaks for her. I know her pain. At the viewing we hugged, cried, and she asked me if it would get easier. The first week is always the worst. I'm not sure if it gets easier, or maybe you just learn to manage your circumstances You learn everything there is about your family's finances. Like it or not, the bills are all yours. You learn to take out the garbage, and when you forget and the garbage man is coming chase him through the neighborhood with your trash can. You learn to text, talk on the phone, and check your e-mail all at the same time. You learn when the last piece of bread in the house is eaten, or the last cup of milk drunk, you get to go to the store. You learn lots about sports. You learn that in baseball a pickle isn't something to purchase at the snack shack. You learn how to celebrate your daughter's wedding without the physical presence of her father. You learn to make room in your bed for not one, but many.

Your life takes on a completely different routine. The simple routines that you once took for granted, you miss. You miss kissing your husband good-bye, watching late night movies with him, laughing over the funny things your kids did during the day, and enjoying one another's company. Life is different.

I was so impressed with Julie's strength at the funeral. What an amazing women she is. She was even brave enough to talk at her husband's funeral. I am sure we will be sharing more moments together leaning on each other's experiences and finding strength from each other. I am so sorry for Julie that we have something in common that we would rather not have at all.