Christmas Eve 2008

Scott and Connie's Party
(Meagan was working)

Dancing Around the Christmas Tree With the Brown's

Christmas is usually one of my favorite times of the year. I love the smells of Christmas, the decorations, the traditions, fun activities, and being with family and friends. I love the spirit of Christmas, and the remembrance of the true meaning of Christmas.

I didn't realize how difficult Christmas was going to be without Steve. I miss him in so many ways. I miss the laughter that surrounded him, the funny faces, his thoughtfulness, his spirituality, and much more. Although I felt Christmas should probably be cancelled, it was very important for my kids to continue with the usual traditions.

One of our family traditions is to spend Christmas Eve with my family and Steve's family. My family had a great party at Scott and Connie's house. We had wonderful food and fun. The kids loved sledding down the huge hill in their backyard with their cousins (and some of the brave uncles). We then opened presents, visited, and had dessert.

The Brown side of the family has Danish traditions. They dance around the Christmas tree and sing Christmas carols. They have a danish song that they sing while they dance and clap. Steve, used to make that song extra fun. I missed that so much. Then we open presents from Grandparents and cousins.

This year I made gifts for Steve's siblings and parents. I wanted to give them things to remember Steve. I gave the siblings framed pressed flowers from Steve's funeral with the closing song sang at his funeral in vinyl at the bottom. I gave his parents a book with photos of Steve and our family, a dried flower arrangement, a shadow box with special things of Steve's in it, and a DVD. It was difficult for all of us as they opened the gifts and we remembered Steve. Lots of tears were shed, and tender feelings shared.

When we got home I decided to give my kids the things I had made for them. Before I gave them the gifts I had them watch a short DVD on the birth and life of Christ, read them a poem, and talked with them. It was a real tender moment.

I won't share everything, but this is the poem I read them:

I'm Spending Christmas in Heaven This Year

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below

With tiny light, like heaven's stars reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away a tear

For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear

But earthly music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.

I know how much you miss me, for I feel your breaking heart...

But through your memories so dear, we're never far apart.

I can't tell you of the splendor or the peace here in this place

Can you just imagine Christmas with our Savior face-to-face?

I'll ask Him to light your spirit as I tell Him of your love

So then pray for one another as you life your eyes above..

Please let your heart be joyful & let your spirits sing

For I'm spending Christmas in heaven, & I'm walking with our King.

I gave them each a wooden box with letters from the First Presidency, The Stake Presidency, and his Patriarchal Blessing. Also in the box was the audio from his funeral, and a DVD from the viewing. This box is to put all the notes and letters that each of them got from their friends and family.

I also gave them the same book I gave the grandparents with photos of their dad with each one of them. Each one got framed pressed flowers from the funeral as well as a beautiful shadow box.

Although my heart is breaking with this tremendous loss, I find comfort in the sweet memories we have of Steve and knowing that he is spending Christmas this year with our Savior.