Beautiful girl, and beautiful dress!
Siblings and Landon.....Landon and BenToday I was driving through the intersection of 2600 South and Highway 89 in Bountiful, when I came upon a very minor fender bender. Those involved were traveling the opposite direction of me. Traffic had slowed as spectators as well as those involved got out of their cars to assess the situation. My heart sunk as I watched a man open the driver's door and realize something was definitely wrong with the driver. I saw the sheer terror in his face, as he was shouting and cars began to stop to help. I knew the situation was not good.
I continued past the accident, and realized I needed gas, or I wasn't going to make it to my appointment in Holladay. I pulled into the Chevron gas station, only to find that I couldn't concentrate. It was crowded, and I felt completely overwhelmed just trying to get gas. I finally decided to go to a less crowded gas station up the road. I had to pass the scene of the accident again. I was the last car they let through, before police and other emergency vehicles blocked it off. As I was stopped at a red light, I saw a police officer administering CPR in the median to the person from the car that was hit.
Tears started streaming down my face as I watched in horror, remembering the night Steve passed away and the gruesome attempts made by the EMT's to save his life. I felt physically sick as I thought of the sadness and heart break this family was feeling or was going to feel. I am hoping their outcome was good, but the accident scene did not look that way.
I got gas and thought about going home and pulling the covers over my head. The appointment was not a necessary one. I decided instead to continue. When I got to my appointment, a sweet young girl in her 30's helped me. I sat down and thought I was going to burst into tears. I couldn't get the scene from earlier out of my mind, that triggered other emotions from the past. Somehow, this young girl and I began talking about what I had seen and how it had affected me. She began to tell me her own story.
Her dad died in a car accident when he was 34. Her mother had 6 children from the ages of one month to 14 years old. She was the oldest child in the family. She shared with me her perspective of loosing a father as a child. She described the challenges, and struggles that she went through personally. She also described the strength and perseverance that she had been blessed with. I began to understand more clearly what my own children must have felt and must be feeling.
Her sister was 3 when her dad passed away. She described the separation anxiety and difficult time she had gone through. Her mom had to go to preschool with her every day to ease her anxieties. She told me how this sister had grown into an amazing adult. I needed to hear that. I needed to feel hope that some of the situations I am currently experiencing will end positively.
She mentioned the gift of priesthood blessings in her life, and how much that had helped her mom and her family. She shared how much the gospel had strengthen them and buoyed them up. She shared their feelings, their grief, their difficulties, their struggles, and their strengths with me. I felt comfort knowing that I don't walk this path alone.
She gave me a big hug when I left. Two strangers, sharing experiences, strengthening, and buoying each other up. I believe it was a tender mercy to meet her today.
WARNING! This blog is not for the faint of heart, the weak, the easily grossed out or nauseated.
Week days can be tiring..... early morning music lessons, preparing for school, and other morning routines. It wouldn't be as exhausting if I went to bed early, and could sleep through the night. This week especially, has been one of those weeks were I definitely have been sleep deprived. Week ends are not much better. Lots of fun....but waiting up for kids, early morning games and activities don't leave a lot of time for sleep.
Last night little Ben crawled into bed with me. He said his stomach hurt, but I thought nothing of it. Once the last child I was waiting up for was home and the house was locked up, I quickly fell asleep.
About 1:30 a.m. Lizzy slipped into bed with me. She quietly tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I think there might be a problem." I woke up to find that Ben had been vomiting in my bed. Yes, that's right IN MY BED. Lizzy had snuck into my bed while Ben was in the bathroom throwing up and quietly rolled right into it. She thought she felt something smelling, wet, and chunky. So, she woke me up. I couldn't believe I could sleep through this whole ordeal. I ran around my bed to start changing sheets and cleaning up the mess, only to STEP in a trail of vomit that led to the bathroom. Yuck!... squishy, smelly, vomit between my toes. I hobbled to the tub to wash my feet, and quickly began the clean up process.
Poor Ben! He had to take care of himself until his mother finally woke up to help. Ben had a rough night, throwing up at least once an hour. I made him a comfy bed on my big chair, with a large lined barf bucket. I got up every hour to empty the bucket, spray Lysol around to diminish the odor, and help him in any other way.
Barfing is bad enough, but to make matters worse, Lizzy slept with me, and must have had some terrible dreams. She sat up in the middle of the night and began an intense conversation in gibberish. If she is not talking gibberish than she is a silent genius speaking in another language, well, let's just say I'd never know either way. When she settled down she started flailing her arms around striking me repeatedly. She then grabed me around the wrists as if I'm in hand cuffs, tightening her grip until I shook loose. I don't know what is going through her sweet little head in the middle of the night, and I'm not sure I want to know.
Long story short....still sleep deprived. Welcome to motherhood, and Happy Valentines Day!
Having Fun
Learning about royalties.
The King and beautiful princess?
Black mail material (for a later date).
The Three Little Pig Play, and more black mail material.
Craft....making scepters. 
Eagle Scout Award
Merit Badges
A friend of mine recommended that I read this article today. The article is titled, "Widows and Widowers, Moving Forward with Faith." I thought it was a huge coincidence that my new years resolution for this year was to "Move Forward with Faith". This article is specifically for Widows and Widowers, but I think the same principles can be applied for anyone struggling with significant trials in their lives.
The article discusses ways in which we can move forward with our temporal lives when life's burden seem too great to bear. There are several suggestions in this article of how to move forward with faith. All of the suggestions are wonderful, but some in particular have given me hope and encouragement.
It discusses the temple as being a place to find strength and peace. I feel peace, comfort and strength when I attend the temple often. I find it to be a place that I feel particularly close to my husband. What joy and contentment I feel to know that I am sealed to my husband for eternity. One of my greatest blessings is to know of the eternal nature of my family.
It also discussed finding joy in life. It is difficult to feel joy after experiencing a great loss. My greatest joy in life is my children. I enjoy being involved with the things they love, and watching them grow and develop both physically and spiritually. I find pleasure in simple things in life, and in spending time with those I love.
To move forward with faith to me, means that we may not know all the answers to difficult questions in this life, but we believe in the principles of the gospel, and have faith that it will all work out in the end. It is through reading the scriptures, praying, and living the gospel principles that our faith is strengthen.
I am grateful for the "earthly angels" that ease my burdens. I am blessed to be surrounded by amazing people who continue to serve our family and include us in their lives.
Dreams are, " a succession of images, thoughts, or emotions passing through the mind during sleep." Since Steve has been gone my dreams have not always been positive, many may even be defined as night terrors. I don't always have these terrifying night mares, or night terrors, and I am always grateful to have "sweet dreams". I have a predilection for nice, warm, comforting dreams about Steve. I rarely speak about my dreams, but one in particular this week was heart warming.
I dream that I had moved into a new area, and new house. The house was located on the very top of a beautiful mountain. The skies were sunny, blue, and bright, and the view was spectacular. I felt as if I was sitting on top of the world. Those I loved and cherished lived around me. My house was a new modern abode, but the one thing it was lacking was landscaping. This big beautiful house was surrounded by nothing but dirt.
One day I came home to find my new house completely landscaped. It had stunning shrubs, towering trees, and bright, colorful, flowers. Steve was there planting my favorite flowers, and making our home beautiful. My excitement from the beautiful landscaping dissipated, as I realized Steve was home. I was so overwhelmed with joy and excitement to have him home again.
This dream reminded me of an experience several years ago. Meagan's high school graduation trip consisted of a wonderful trip to New York City with Annie and Mindy Wilson. We had a fabulous time. We enjoyed spending time together and exploring the sites of the City. When Meagan and I returned from our trip, we drove up to our house only to find beautiful flowers planted by Steve. He knew how much I loved flowers, and wanted to surprise me. What a great surprise it was.
I pray for "sweet dreams" when I am sad or lonely. I delight in seeing Steve, and feeling connected with him. The good dreams are always calm, peaceful, and filled with joy. It's hard to face reality when I wake up from them. I love "sweet dreams", and hope they continue.
This holiday break I have been able to view several movies. There are two that have been truly inspirational.
The Blind Side: What an inspiring movie. I am sure it will become a classic film. I was astonished by the amount of charity that the Tuohys' had towards a homeless 18 year old that came from a broken home. They trusted in their hearts, took in uneducated, tender hearted, stranger, and helped him fulfill his potential. Oher's presence in the Tuohys' lives leads them to some self-discoveries of their own. They realize that charity benefits them and changes their lives more than it does Oher.
Invictus: Another inspiring movie. The title of this movie comes from the poem Invictus. The word invictus means "unconquered" in Latin. The final two lines of the poem read, "I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.” Nelson Mandela had this poem written on a piece of paper he kept during his years in a South African prison. The words kept him going.
Nelson Mandela (Morgan Freeman) used his support of the Rugby team, as a way to mend the scars of the past and build toward a united nation. Despite his trials and challenges in life, he is positive, kind and caring. He forgives consequential persecution of 27 years in prison as well as many other indiscretions . Mandela is surprisingly heart-warming, and wants to be a friend to all. Among other things, I learned a lot about unity, kindness, positive attitude, and perseverance from this movie. The most important thing I learned was forgiveness. One of my favorite quotes from this movie is: "Forgiveness liberates the soul......that is why it is such a powerful weapon." Forgiveness not only changes the heart of a person, but it can (in Nelson Mandela's case) change a nation. As the poem reads, "I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul." We have the choice to let forgiveness liberate our soul or imprison it.
New Year's is a time to reflect on the past year, evaluate your achievement of goals, and make new resolutions. The years 2008, and 2009, have been very difficult years, almost unbearable. I have been able to do difficult things, that I really didn't want to have to do. While I have accepted my challenges, I have learned the importance of simplicity in life, to appreciate the little things. I don't take life for granted anymore. I embrace each new day, knowing that we most certainly don't know what tomorrow will bring. I also appreciate loving, nurturing, relationships more than ever. I enjoy spending time with those I love. I cherish those whom I admire and adore.
My goal for this year is very simple, Move Forward With Faith. My faith has increased one hundred fold, and I hope it continues to grow. I hope to be a better person this year than I was last year. I hope to be more faithful, more understanding, more kind, and more charitable. Just a better person, making the world a better place.
Playing Outside
Figuring out the new Christmas Rollerblades.
Waiting for movies, Video Games, Reading, & Favorite Treat.
We returned home to a beautiful blanket of snow covering Bountiful. The trees were glistening with white fluffy flakes, and the streets were glazed with a fresh dose of snow. Lights were , shimmering and reflecting off the brightness of the newly fallen snow. Nights like this are time to wear your cozy, soft, furry socks, and curl up next to the roaring fire, drinking a cup of frothy, delicious, hot chocolate.
Our first day back from St. George we embraced the change in weather and went sledding.
*Sledding*
The cool sledders.
Ben and Lizzy sledding. Ben going off a jump (if you want to call it that).
Ben eating snow, the fashionable sledders, mom deciding she doesn't want to be a spectator anymore (not quite dressed for the snow, oh well).
Iceskating
Snowman
Ben was much happier than he looks.
Favorite family gifts: The remote control helicopter and nerf guns were the favorite among the boys. Maybe Quinn didn't think so when he got hit smack in the eye with a nerf bullet.
Brunch was a success, especially with Grandma Brown's ableskibers.
Jon and Jodi gave the girl's homemade croqueted purses.
Tyli was happy with the princess accessories we gave her.
Kate and Maddie making Bella's Christmas brighter.
Grandma's homemade candy and cookies.
It's still a tender time for our family. 
